Posted 23:30 by Grote 0 comments

The Last (Thank God) Day

It's a little late getting started but I was seeing two beautiful blonde girls who can't get enough of me, so I hope you all understand. So let's get it on!

8:32 MSNBC. They're doing recaps of former military folks who became president. Zachary Taylor went from the battlefield to the oval office in 2 months and 2 weeks. Ike wouldn't tell which party he belonged to until 2 months before the election. Only once did a war hero win against an incumbent, 1840.

8:42 CNN. Willie Nelson steps up to sing.... something (Living in the Promised Land, Maybe). I'm kinda disappointed his eyes aren't acting like Carrie Fisher's in the Star Wars Holiday Special. He must be going through detox like something fierce.

8:46 PBS. While the others are doing commentary, only PBS is showing Fmr. Sec'y of State Madeline Albright's speech. Not surprisingly its mostly about foreign policy. It's nothing surprising, and mostly recycled stuff we heard from Edwards, Sharpton etc. I think when I run for President, if the networks want advanced copies of speeches, they won't get them. This is how they decide who to show and who not to you know.

9:00 FoxNews. "Special News Alert" "Kerry to speak tonight." Wow! Wait, there's more. I just learned that he served in Vietnam!

9:06 CNN. Bob Dole and Chancellor Palp... I uh mean Sen. Joe Lieberman discuss what they want to Kerry to say. Bob is a lot like me, he just wants to hear. "I'm John Kerry and this is what I stand for."

9:18 MSNBC. Iowa four months ago it was Kerry 47%-Bush 46%. Today 46-46%. In West Virginia, Kerry has a huge lead 47-44. All within the margin of error. We might see another Nixon-Kennedy or Gore-Bush. Heck, we might even see a case where neither candiate has a majority (269-269).

9:21 John Kerry's stepson, speaks about his step-dad. He introduces.... his brother. Then they introduce........ their step-sisters. For the record, CBS is showing CSI, ABC is showing primetime, or whatever is on Thursday night and NBC has commercials this second (probably Will&Grace). Also, a memo to my future staff, as much as I'll love my future children and all that, I just want to be introduced and speak. I don't need 52 introductions before I accept my nomination for president.

9:29 Vanessa Kerry finally introduces.... Alexandra Kerry, her sister. She talks about almost killing a hamster and sending him down to a watery doom. John rescued said hamster and gave him CPR. So, let's elect him president of the Hamster Rescue Squad. ;)

9:35 The sisters introduce...... a movie about John Kerry. Narrated by Morgan Freeman. Another memo to future staff, see if we can get James Earl Jones to narrate mine. All the news channels, except for fox are showing it full screen (they probably got the tape in advance). Fox News is showing the screen on which the film is being shown. It's pretty good. I'd watch it again before I'd watch Catwoman.

9:47 Then.... nothing. I guess we're allowing the cable networks to go to commercial and then allow the broadcast networks to join the rest of us at 10. Apparently they're ahead of schedule.

9:50 Now we have his boat crews from Vietnam. Including the Green Beret that Kerry saved, who will now say some more kind words about Kerry. Seriously, that first memo, I mean it. He introduces..... Max Cleland, a former US Senator and vietnam vet.

10:00 The network news stations finally join us. Nice of you guys to show up.

10:05 Random sports thought just popped in my head, if Kerry's from Boston, does this mean he's lost NYC? (Yankees-Red Sox, Rangers-Bruins, Jets-Patriots, etc.)

10:06 FINALLY! We get our nominee. He's working his way up to the front, shaking hands with delagates. Over/Under 10:10 will be his first words of his speech. Thank you doesn't count.

10:10 "I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty." "I was born in the West Wing (of the hospital)" RIMSHOT. Ok, maybe I made the rimshot up.

10:16 He wants to restore pride to America. No word yet on how. It's a 50 minute speech though, so let's wait and see.

10:17 "As president I will restore, pride and respectabilty to the White House.... I will be a commander in chief who will never mislead us into war, I will have a VP who will not conduct secret meetings... and I will appoint an Attorney General who will uphold the Constitution of the United States." Yeah, John Ashcroft is a Nazi. Even I said that.

10:20 More about outsourcing. Go to www.factcheck.org and look up the article about outsourcing. It doesn't have that big of an affect on outsourcing as much as some people would like you to believe and Kerry's plan wouldn't fix it.

10:22 He offically accepts the nomination for the president of the United States.

10:25 He thanks his family and his shipmates for their support throughout the primary campaign. He thanks his opponents in the primaries for teaching and keeping him honest during the campaign.

10:27 On 9/11 I'm proud that all Americans rallied to President Bush, that there was no Republicans and no Democrats, there were only Americans. He wants hard facts and that he will restore the standard that "America will not go to war because we want to but because we have to." Hear, Hear.

10:30 "We need a President who knows that we need to share the burden, with other countries." So far so good.

10:32 He wants to strengthen the military and increase our special forces. I'm wondering what the majority of the attendees are thinking about this, who are against the war and think we should pull out.

10:33 Good line. "The future doesn't belong to fear, it belongs to freedom."

10:42 I think his messgae is that "America can do better and help is on the way." I'm not sure though. Oh my God, it's a 10 word answer. (Ask me later, and I'll explain it).

10:45 Someone needs to read Article I, when he promises to change tax laws. This is my biggest gripe when it comes to Presidential races; promising tax breaks or changes in tax laws. They can suggest it, but in the end, it's up to Congress, and there's nothing you can do but broker a deal sometimes, and in the end you'll break your promise and only look bad. Don't believe me? Ask Bush Sr.

10:48 "I want a country that relies on it's own inginuity and not the Saudi Royal Family." I'd like to seen Al Jazerra's response about this.

10:50 When he was reaching out to George Bush at first, the crowd seemed kinda disappointed about not attacking each other (the candidates). Hmmm. Points for going to the undecideds.

10:52 More props to going to Abe Lincoln for the quote, "I want to pray humbly that we're on God's side."

10:53 Hey! Props for recognizing Dayton, OH and the Wright bros. :D

10:56 Bravo. B+. He did really well to reach to the middle, to the undecided voters. He played to his party, but party politics alone will not win this election. He knows it but does Bush know it? He didn't elaborate on how he would put 10,000 new police on the streets, how to make 40,000 new troops active, but not put them on active duty. He went to the Right of Bush on the military. This will be an interesting 4 months. I'm sure the pollsters are going to have a busy next 72 hours.

So in the next week or so I'll explain the concept of a ten word answer, talk about the ancient greek calender computer and release a board game about running for President that is nearly done. :) Have a good night and a good weekend.